Girls should come with a carfax report
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize