I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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