i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
