the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
