No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
did you just send me my own nude
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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