haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
