i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
In other news, I just burned my penis
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
