I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
