I'm really into asian looking animals
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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