just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
