the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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