i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
