I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
