Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
