cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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