Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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