His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
