I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize