my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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