Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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