I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
