You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do vagina's smell?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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