if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
