smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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