Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
