She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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