Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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