He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
