guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
he had hair everywhere except his balls
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
