you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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