you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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