after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I had to cum in my sink.
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