hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
