3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
