They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I forget how to act sober
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
