don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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