I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
