dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
