p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
a search helicopter?!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize