Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
only you would photoshop your dick
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
