I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
