she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize