first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
