umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
