your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
