I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
