What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
