i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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