drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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