Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
