So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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