I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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