I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Semen is not good for contacts.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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