i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
