she was so not down for the gang bang
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
