my phone needs a breathalizer
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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