if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
