I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
