walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
