I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
