I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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