I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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