Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
