Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
