It's like God shit irony all over that family
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
