good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
