we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
bring money and cleavage
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
