I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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