Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
foreskin is a definite game changer
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
