I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize