He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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