Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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