If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
