why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
