Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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