Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
