So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
