I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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