six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize