don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
