Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
