STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
