so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
