shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
