she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize