i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
