We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
