just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I looked at my own cervix.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
