All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
50% drunk capacity currently
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
