never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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