3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dear god my vagina.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
