i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
