well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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