Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
