i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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