She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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