This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
