I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize