she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
operation have a gay friend backfired
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
