the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
