just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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