i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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