Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
