the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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