piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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