1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
