I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
