If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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