Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman

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(310): View more from California

Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant

(1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

he should get drunk with us

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(214): View more from Texas

I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work

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(856): View more from New Jersey

i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"

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(231): View more from Michigan

I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.

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(613): View more from Ontario

You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper

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(973): View more from New Jersey

i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020

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