Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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