She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
