My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize