I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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